Forcefully Removed

Active Failure and forcefully removed have been the two things on my mind recently. Some reason "active failure" is more comforting to hear then "forcefully removed." Reasons being... maybe the scenarios that fall behind the meaning of being forcefully removed I know wont be coming back. They seriously have no chance of coming back. They have been forcefully removed from my life. You can't bring back death, a worn out relationship or withering relatives. While active failure has been something that I have known for awhile. It has been something that I have been struggling with and coping with for some years. In the long run active failure took time to get used to and to think that being forcefully removed may have to be the new acceptance well I think I am afraid. No I am afraid and scared.  

the Six Days Before Birth Song

Six days before birth

written by me

and sung by me

on the fifth day before birth my true love gave to me

5 new relatives

4 fat pancakes 

3 times broken up

2 gay lovers

and one return to home!

Six days after being born

Spoof off of the Six days before birth

on the second day of birth my true love gave to me 

2 sick loved ones

3 hours of class

4 friends surprising 

Breath

Ahhhhhhh the white weaving is finished and just in time for senior thesis. It is hard to tell at the moment if it is successful, due to the fact that I don't have a wall big enough to hang it on... but when the structure is built and all is said and done you bet pictures will be posted. And the final verdict will hopefully be a successful weaving. 

Ready, Set, and Fail!

Test taking has never been my forte, and there have been way too many of them this past week. I took my last one tonight, and it wasn't a pretty sight. I study I do, but the white sheet and the blank answers overwhelm me and I freeze.  

Theme song much?

Spring break couldn't come soon enough!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZclddLcOYYA

Mr. Golden Sun

The sun is so bright it is blinding. It comes through my living-room windows and hits the shuffled papers on the floor. The brightness is burning my retina. Stepping in front of the window the light bounces off of my skin resulting in the same affect as the papers. Damn the sun is bright today. 

Tile

More mold in my shower. Now this is just sick! The one place that I want to see the whitest walls and cleanest floors are not so within my shower. Just sick!

Never Wake a Sleeping Tiger

I almost punched my "non romantic life partner" this morning when he woke me up at 9am by the click of the light switch. I am not a morning person, never will be. He hasn't experienced my mood in the morning till well today when I flew up from my pillow yelling "THE FUCK!" Reasons being we have just had different schedules... for about a year now. After yelling at him I realized why he was waking me up and felt bad. We continued to laugh about it on our way to the thrift store. 

Candy is Dandy, but Liquor is Quicker

I hate white today! White means hospitals and vets. White means death within some cultures. I hope I wont be seeing death soon. I really do pray he gets better! He is my bug-a-boo, my coop-de-loo, my moose and my little man. I hope he gets better! I really do!

Being so far away during a time that he is extremely sick is making me sick. I worry that he wont wake up after his long naps, and I worry that if he doesn't get better then my parents will put him to sleep. He is only 5! Why and how is it that he is seeing health issues of an elderly dog?

I hate the color white, and the idea of deteriorating! I really wish I was home! I really hope my boy gets better!

Oh and the fucking white in my ice cream that I bought out of desperation! 8 bucks for Edy's Ice Cream! No wonder people become alcoholics. Ice cream is cheaper then liquor. The hell.

Vanish

Even when you think your "there," your not. You finish a piece then that piece generates other ideas that allow you to keep moving and making. You get to a point of conformability then things seem to stop moving. Progress seems to come to a halt. 

Today the chapter seemed complete, loaded with juicy words, written with the best flowing pen, but in reality the chapter hasn't even begun. 

Here is to an empty page. Yet again. 

Seeing Greater Than Great

Is it possible? Could it be done? Should it be done? These are the questions flying threw my head when thinking about the next Art Mart. The one I did in December was a great turning point, but hard to prepare for. Although now it may be possible that I could do another show in May. If Jean allows me to be apart of it I will truly be grateful. The May show is smaller then that of the December one, so if he allows me to take part I know that it is truly something that he sees me thriving in. To see that he has faith in me and my business means a lot, because he saw faith in Squidfire and has made it blossom. I now know that Kevin sees positive things spurring from my work, because he said so when visiting my studio. It caught me off guard what he said, yet I was flattered by it. 

I have something rolling here. I just have to figure out how to continue the motion. I am hoping Jean will once more push me a little bit further towards success.  

I See You!

After thioxing the yarn I cut the cross and saw that the original color was present in the middle. What does this covering of identification mean when the color can still be apparent. Something so minor that only I can see is triggering something inside about the meaning of decay, decompose, de... There is still more to be thought about for "de." I have a feeling that "de" could be a life long discovering process of what "de" means to me. 

Lightning Doesn't Strike Twice

Somedays you just don't have anything go right. Today was one of those days. Bad weather, bad health, bad test taking, lame weaving. 

Today I would say is blah! I can't have something exciting happen everyday. I mean dude come on. Although I did figure some fun things out on Patty-la-loom, so that will be fun to apply to the "white weaving."

White Mold is Back!

While cleaning out the fridge I came across a container that I had stored pumpkin pancake mix in. Upon throwing out the mixture I caught a glimpse at mold that was forming on the rim. It reminded me of the olden days, and that of our health. So sorry roomies for any mold caused by me, but thank you random for fond memories. 

New Chapter

Waking up to the sound of the first birds cherping I see that I am in a bed that is not my own. The returning birds and the arms of a man lets me know that a new chapter is about to be written. I am ready for spring.