Sunday, January 10, 2010

I have no title. the words speak for themselves.

I just read a blog that was very insightful to what is going on in a friends life, my life and others. I will not share the post because I feel it is not appropriate to share.

I will say the title was "The Art of Mourning." And it had to do with the unfortunates that come with life, and how one over comes these pains. The pains could be the pain of death of a loved one, pain of abandonment, pain from failure or a loss in general (Now the pain talked about in the blog was the pain of mourning of multiple loved ones deaths that seemed to happen too close to one another).

This post was important to me because it brought light to those that I care about immensely (the one who posted and someone I had been involved with recently). I still care about him and feel like I always will. But I know that being with him wont and can't happen again. The first time the relationship ended I didn't understand, but he later came to me explaining all that was going on and why he had to end our relationship. Surprisingly I understood, and we got back together. Only when weeks past he broke it off again for the same reasons as the time before. This time I thought I understood, but was still hurt (maybe more so then before, no defiantly more hurt then the first time). The reason why I say I thought I understood is because I read the post "The Art of Mourning" today which put everything into perspective! (Also I think watching the TV show 'Brother's and Sister's" help prep me for thinking and relating the situation to him).

The reason I am writing about this is because my art work has a lot to do with relationships I have with people and places (before it used to be the relationship (or lack there of) with my mom. Now I realize it is more to do with relationships in general). The post I read put a lot of clarity on a situation that surprisingly was still in a haze, and I understand now will be an unclear situation (not on my end really but his).

What I took away from what I read (and a quick lesson that everyone else should take) is that life happens. Everyday. Everyday we know another day will come, even if it doesn't have us or our loved ones apart of it. Things happen to you, they happen, and you have an experience with them. The losses that come to us we must come to terms with, at some point, and let the change be apart of us, of you. That you cannot hide from change. It will happen no matter how hard you try to avoid or ignore it. The rate of accepting change varies due to the type situation and how the person wants to handle the situation. Or better yet how they CAN handle the situation. Understanding that change is apart of life will allow us to get back to living.

I realized also while reading the post, and evaluating other situations, that no one can help you. You have to be able to recover yourself. Key words may help ease pain or realize something that needs to be done, but in the long run you are the one who can truly understand if the situation is ok. The one who posted "The Art of Mourning" was told that "one of the most therapeutic things you can do is to have a good cry in the car." It wasn't crying that made the pain okay, but the realization that hiding the tears in the car was something much deeper than what it seemed.

The relevance of this to the guy I had been involved with is that he is still recovering from every plunder that has happened within his life that has brought him to his sadden state of being. He is saying he is "okay," but really it is like a record he presses that he plays when someone asks him how he his doing. The real response wont come until he truly has time to understand what it is that will make him better. At the moment he knows he needs to get better, but I know with everything that is happening in his life he is not able to really focus on what needs focusing. Which is himself.

What we all need to take away is that death will happen, depression will happen, it is apart of life, it makes us stronger, you just have to find the right ways to recover and move on, because by the end of the day you still have to live your life.